How you like Ukraine? 51 Things I like or dislike about Ukraine

After more than one year inside Ukraine I thought I’d try and answer this grammatically incorrect question once and for all. Or, more specifically, I wanted to identify what makes Ukraine special, different or unusual. With a view to doing this I started the task a few weeks ago by keeping a record of the things I noticed, the things that I liked, the things that annoyed me and the many many things that make Ukraine Ukrainian.

The plan was to take these notes and write them up into three lists: 1) the things I like, 2) the things I find interesting and 3) the things I don’t like. However; its just not possible. So many of the things I noted would fit in all three categories and as I’m someone who’s fascinated by the obscure – I’m interested in the things I don’t like and I like things if they’re interesting.

So I decided to lump them all together and dish them up in one long list. You’ll have to try and decide for yourself which ones I like and which ones I dislkie. It shouldn’t be too difficult.

Ukraine as a list, according to Ian Bearder

  1. Communal toilet washing facilities

  2. Soup with every meal

  3. Compot

  4. Ёжик в тумане

  5. Decorative concrete fences

  6. Train picnics with your fellow passengers (and usually with ham and fruit)

  7. Emotional goodbyes and lots of waiving on the train platform

  8. Devushka (women) …hey devushka!

  9. Devushkas posing for pictures…
    A) with their leg on a tree
    B) with their face next to a flower

  10. Ukrainian Nationalism

  11. Arguing against Ukraine’s hypocritical and pointlessly nationalistic language policy

  12. Babushkas (Grandmas: usually tough-as-nails and always with a headscarf. Ukraine wouldn’t function without them)

  13. Marshrutkas (small yellow minibuses) I love them.

  14. Passing money to a complete stranger on a Marshrutka, waiting for them to relay the money forward and then recieving your change …without moving from your seat.

  15. 1980s mullet haircuts being worn like they are still cool

  16. The ‘celebrity’ business person

  17. Vertical power structures

  18. Eta Normalno? (is it normal? is it?)

  19. High heels

  20. Black Jackets, leather flat-caps, pointy black shoes and fur coats

  21. “How you like Ukraine?”

  22. “How long are you in Ukraine?” (meaning “How long HAVE you been in Ukraine?”)

  23. Dill

  24. Karaoke

  25. Middle-aged, serious looking men singing passionate love songs at the Karaoke

  26. Street Karaoke with single people singing alone, to themselves, in public

  27. The fact that almost all girls I know attend dancing classes or Yoga

  28. Leopard skin patterned coats, shirts, bras, socks, trousers, boots, knickers, dresses, skirts, suits, swimsuits, handkerchiefs, bed sheets, wallpaper… (etc etc)

  29. Blue metro ‘zjatoni’ (tokens)

  30. UAH (especially the 100 Hrivna because Schevchenko has a weird shaped head)

  31. The Circus (its like time-travel)

  32. 24 hour flower shops (EVERYWHERE!)

  33. Black Range Rovers

  34. Black Range Rovers driving all over the pavement

  35. Black Range Rovers that park all over the pavement

  36. The kind of people who drive (or want to drive) Black Range Rovers that park all over the pavement

  37. President (Tsar) Yanukovych and his bone-head Oligarch buddies

  38. Queue jumping (this is the second favourite national sport. Smoking is the first favourite)

  39. Sushi …sushi, sushi, sushi (f-ing sushi)

  40. Poshli (lets go…)

  41. ‘ring ring!’ ‘ring ring! “Allo!? …ah, Maaaama!”

  42. Reserved Signs (which don’t mean it’s reserved)

  43. High levels of narcissism

  44. Low levels of modesty

  45. Very high levels of curiosity, generosity and drama

  46. “I think I have a very Slavonic face. Don’t you think so?”

  47. Face Control

  48. Women with very high voices and men with very low voices

  49. The following words and phrases: Top management, VIP, Reliable Partner, Sushi, Information Partnership and Face Control.
  50. People (usually girls) who believe they’re too special to use public transport. In fact, if you believe you’re too special to use public transport I’m 99% sure the opposite is true. You’re probably a twat.
  51. All of my Ukrainian friends and colleagues. Ukraine wouldn’t be anything without them.

So, do I like it? – yes, a lot. Do I like Ukrainians? Most of them – yes, a lot. Can I recommend life in Ukraine to anyone who’s thinking about it? Yes, absolutely. Just remember to be patient and try not to judge things by your own standards. It’s almost impossible, but try.

Ultimately, if Russia can be described as ‘a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma’, then I think Ukraine should be ‘a poem soaked in nostalgia, squashed into Vereniki and sung at full volume from a street karaoke machine’!

Posted from: www.bearder.com

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8 Comments

  1. Anonymous

    Ian I really enjoyed your article)) I always wonder what foreigners think about Ukraine without flattering, how they feel here and what we should pay attention on. I do those observations every day as well trying to guess what makes ppl such as they are…Probably, Ukraine will always stay as it is. Who knows? And maybe life will change and we will lose our “raisin” as we say here.

    Thanx for sharing your thoughts!!! 🙂

    Yana Kayama

  2. Anonymous

    Ian I really enjoyed your article)) I always wonder what foreigners think about Ukraine without flattering, how they feel here and what we should pay attention on. I do those observations every day as well trying to guess what makes ppl such as they are…Probably, Ukraine will always stay as it is. Who knows? And maybe life will change and we will lose our “raisin” as we say here.

    Thanx for sharing your thoughts!!! 🙂

    Yana Kayama

  3. Mo

    You forgot to add about your experience at D fucking Lux!

    All the dead pan faces, both men and girls.
    The ridiculous cheap Vodka!
    Men wearing white shoes.
    girls with tight fitting jeans!
    empty resturants and cafes on a friday and saturday evenings.
    The weekly summer exodus of people from Kiev on Friday evenings to their Dachas to plant/pick potatoes, strawberries and apples.
    People swimming in the brown water of the Dnipro river.
    and that all the girls say they don’t drink alcohol! and amazingly in most cases it’s true!! until you visit a supermarket and see a lot of them with a bottle of beer.

  4. Mo

    You forgot to add about your experience at D fucking Lux!

    All the dead pan faces, both men and girls.
    The ridiculous cheap Vodka!
    Men wearing white shoes.
    girls with tight fitting jeans!
    empty resturants and cafes on a friday and saturday evenings.
    The weekly summer exodus of people from Kiev on Friday evenings to their Dachas to plant/pick potatoes, strawberries and apples.
    People swimming in the brown water of the Dnipro river.
    and that all the girls say they don’t drink alcohol! and amazingly in most cases it’s true!! until you visit a supermarket and see a lot of them with a bottle of beer.

  5. Anonymous

    AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA! OMG this is sooo true and soooo funny! I am a ukranian myself living abroad, and believe me I THOUGHT THOSE THINGS WERE NORMAL! ahahaha Marshrutka! Trains! Babyshki, Devushki!! I LOVE THIS! Well Done Ian!

  6. Anonymous

    AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA! OMG this is sooo true and soooo funny! I am a ukranian myself living abroad, and believe me I THOUGHT THOSE THINGS WERE NORMAL! ahahaha Marshrutka! Trains! Babyshki, Devushki!! I LOVE THIS! Well Done Ian!

  7. It’s nice to see that even the Ukrainians agree with me. This year I’m gonna try and find 51 pictures to describe Ukraine… wish me luck 😉

  8. It’s nice to see that even the Ukrainians agree with me. This year I’m gonna try and find 51 pictures to describe Ukraine… wish me luck 😉

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