Category: Uncategorized (Page 2 of 2)

Moving Pictures of the USSR. Part 1.

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On October 30, 2010

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I couldn’t work out the difference between a Cartoon and an Animation so I’ve settled for a literal description – Moving Pictures. I guess that there is no difference except the target audience and that adults prefer to watch the formal ‘animations’ so they don’t sound childish…

Anyway, I’m not going to babble on about naming conventions and linguistic overlaps in the English language – this post is all about cartoons. More specifically, it’s about cartoons from the side of the Cold War which didn’t have Disney or the Warner Brothers.

Like all kids who grew up in the UK in the 70s and 80s I was heavily (and maybe unhealthily) exposed to hours and hours of Tom and Jerry, Bugs Bunny, Tweetie Pie etc and endless re-runs of older classics such as Bag Puss, King Rollo, Mr Ben and Postman Pat which was all postponed once a year for the Christmas animation cheese-fest, the Snowman. Actually, I could probably sit and type for another twenty minutes listing all the cartoons I remember, He-Man, Dogtanian and the Three Muskehounds etc etc… but I think you get the picture.

However, had I been sitting 1000 miles to the east, life would have been very different. Instead of Winnie the Pooh, I would have giggled away to Vinnie Pooh and instead of Tom and Jerry, I would have fond memories of the USSR’s bad woolf in Nu Pogodi. I’m absolutely sure I would have wanted a Cheburashka toy.

Anyway, for the benefit of anyone who cares and everyone who didn’t grow up in the ex-USSR, I’ve compiled a list of the most popular animations and cartoons from the region. Yes, some are stupid and yes, some are strange but they’re all unique and offer a fascinating insight into a world which no-longer exists.

Thanks to Youtube and thanks to the people who added subtitles, we can all enjoy them. So, let’s start with the coolest… the amusingly simple Vinny Pooh

We have “Winnie the Phooh” because we have a ‘W’ and definitive articles, the Russians have the much funnier “Vinny Pooh”. Now, I’m not sure that they’re based on the same stories (presumably they are, at least loosely) but, in my opinion Vinny wins paws-down. I was never a fan of the American Winnie the Pooh cartoons but I’m a big fan of the Russian version. Here, see for yourself…

Posted from: www.bearder.com

Autumnal

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On October 28, 2010

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I survived the -30 winter, blinked and missed the spring, sweated, sighed and sizzled through a +40 summer and finally made it to Kiev’s most beautiful season – Autumn. For once, it’s not too hot, not freezing and it’s stunningly colourful.

However, ironically as the trees turn the city red, orange and yellow – the Ukrainians themselves do quite the opposite, they go back to black. It seems that when the temperatures shrink in Ukraine so does the national fashion sense. Autumn and winter is a time for almost universal black leather hats, dark leather jackets and long fur coats…

Posted from: www.bearder.com

Ello Elbow!

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On October 3, 2010

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I was nonchalantly stretching my arms yesterday by bending both arms up in a classic ‘strong man’ pose, when I heard a worrying tearing sound. I rolled up my jumper to discover that my shirt had ripped right open around my right elbow. Upon seeing this (and despite the obvious concern for my favourite shirt) I temporarily basked in the glory of the fact that, like the Incredible Hulk, I had just flexed a muscle and burst from my clothes. However; this initial feeling of power and vindication for the many years of firm belief that I am indeed super-hero , soon gave way to concern as I realised that it has only been a week since my right elbow poked its way curiously out of another one of my favourite tops. So, what’s going on? Why is my right elbow doing this to my poor clothes? …maybe it’s growing? or maybe I’ve started leaning on it or disproportionally rubbing it in comparison to the left elbow? Who knows? but, if you see me unconsciously doing something with my right elbow or you think my right elbow looks bigger than the last time you saw me – please say so. I need to put an end to this problem because, unlike 1970’s mothers – I cannot sew patches.

Posted from: www.bearder.com

Polyominos, corruption and style

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On September 29, 2010

In Uncategorized

I emerged from the Metro this morning, walked towards the office, looked up and right in front of me was… (get this) Domino’s Pizza! In Kyiv!

Now, if you’re from anywhere else in the modern world this isn’t a big deal, but this is Ukraine! This is a country that has, so far, resisted the large-scale universal adoption of global brands. OK, it has some (MacDonalds, Metro Cash & Carry, Marks & Spencers) but not many.

But why not?

Well, I’m sorry to say but it’s not because:
a) Ukrainians value local producers over global mega-brands, or that they (as a society) reject multi-nationals
b) The multi-nationals haven’t been trying
c) Their is no market here for greasy fast-food

The problem is, as it always is in Ukraine, a problem of corruption, of a lack of transparency and accountability. It’s a problem with selective law enforcement and a murky and compromised legal system which exists to support vested local interests. It’s a problem with licensing, bribery and the refusal of the government to return taxes on time (if at all) or to honour contracts. A problem with tax police and the customs officers who can seize your assets and refuse to return them until a large sum has been paid to the fat controller. It’s a problem.

Would Ukrainians like to shop in Ikea? Of course they would. Just like the rest of us they like modern funky designs, high quality and cheap prices. Would Ikea like to embrace a market of 46 million people keen to invest their hard earned Grivna in a Malmo bed? Of course. Are they prepared to bribe regional Governors, buy the ‘correct’ people to get the licences, fund the government in unreturned VAT payments? It seems not. Despite owning land and some manufacturers here in Ukraine, Ikea pulled out of the country earlier this year and for me that’s why it is interesting.

Whatever your views of multi-national companies, it seems that many-many companies are prepared to put transparency and honest business before profit. Or, at least reputation matters and playing by the rules is seen as important. This must be seen as a victory for the numerous campaigns, lobby groups and prosecutors who have fought so hard against anything-goes corporate greed. Ask anyone from Siemens if they’d like to bribe a Russian official in 2010.

I interviewed the German Ambassador to Ukraine on Friday and he said himself – their is a long list of German companies who would happily invest in Ukraine but they won’t do it if civil rights are being curtailed, if there is no transparency and if the government steals your tax returns to fill its budget deficit. More alarming still, there are Germany companies involved in the upgrade of the countries diabolical healthcare system, who have put their projects on hold because the new authorities under President Yanukovych refuse to honour the contracts signed under the previous administration.

Anyway, back to Domino’s Pizza. Initially I thought wow – finally Ukraine is opening up! …but then I looked around and groaned. The huge (and it is HUGE) fascia DOMINOS on a big blue background looks out over one of Kyiv’s oldest and most picturesque squares. It sits uncomfortably squashed under the fantastic national chain of canteen-style eateries Puzata Hata and next to the colourful buildings of the National Bank and, it be honest – its impressively ugly. It does (whatever you think of their pizza) ruin its surroundings. Is it written in the Cyrillic alphabet? No, corporate branding doesn’t allow it. Is it unique, interesting or in anyway keeping with its surroundings? No. Is it really a sign of an opening up of trade and markets? or did they give-in and bribe the right guy? Who knows…

So, why the long rambling post about it? Well, basically because the whole globalization debate is playing itself out here in Ukraine right in front of me. Ukraine desperately needs many of the things we take for granted: better governance, a free and fair trading environment and a great deal more companies who value their staff, their social responsibility and their reputation. Will this enhance the culture here or the look and feel of Ukraine? No way.

Therefore, however large they make their sign – Dommino’s Pizza will never stop me eating at Puzata Hata. I’m happy they’re here but I don’t like their style.

Posted from: www.bearder.com

A Short History of Ukrainians in English.

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On October 6, 2009

In Uncategorized

In just six days time I’m off to live, love, laugh and limbo-dance like a Ukrainian and so, I’ve been on a Ukrainian fact-finding mission.

This is what I found…

Meaning ‘borderland’ Ukraine is home to 46 million people and has only existed as an independent country since the early 1990’s. However, it all started way-back in the day, a long long time ago, in a crazy town called Kiev.

Existing since the 6th century, Kiev was (like many English towns) created by Scandinavian Vikings and during the 10th century the state of ‘Kievan Rus’ became the largest and most powerful in Europe. It was run by a dude or ‘crown prince’ called Vladimir Volodymyr (Vlad the great) who is widely regarded as the founding farther of Ukraine and was responsible for converting everyone to Orthodox Christianity. Apparently, he didn’t like Paganism anymore so he set about finding a replacement (I love the way religions work) and he found Christianity. Mr Volodymyr chose Orthodox Christianity because he liked booze and pork (so Islam was no good) and he liked women and indulgence too so Judaism and Catholicism were out of the question. Actually, Vlad was dam good at indulgence and had about 800 concubines and numerous wives.

Anyway, he baptised the whole city (in the Dnieper river) with his new religion and the eastern Slavs have been stuck with it ever since.

Things in Kievan Rus were pretty cool until 1240 when the Mongolians came on their little horses and destroyed everything.

Kiev was rebuilt but, in the following centuries Ukrainian land was controlled by its powerful neighbours: the Grand Duchy of Lithuania (yes, little Lithuania used to be powerful), the Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth, the Muscovite Russia and finally the Russian Empire.